I'm shocked! Today was the first of DH's s/a appointments that had been *ahem* postponed. He finally went to get a collection kit yesterday and had a heck of a time getting one. I know he didn't sleep much if at all last night. That was his own fault though because he's ditched any progress he'd made in a "normal" sleep pattern. I ended up having to go for some training at work this morning so I wasn't home to take the specimen in as planned. I called home after I got out at 11:40 and was heading to my Weight Watchers meeting but I got the machine. His appointment was 11am so I half expected that he was in bed. I tried his cell any way and was really surprised when he answered.
Not only was he at the hospital, he'd been running around for a half hour trying to figure out where his specimen was supposed to go. Seems that they had closed/moved the fertility center about a month ago. But no one bothered to let us know that. And no one seemed terribly concerned that my husband was running around with a little cup of sperm in his pocket desperate to hand it off to someone before time ran out. He was directed to no less than 5 different places trying to discretely explain himself before finally arriving where he needed to go. I really do give him a lot of credit for this morning, I know it was frustrating and somewhat embarrassing. This is the same hospital that I work for so you can bet that I'm going to be giving someone an earful tomorrow as to why no one bothered to call us with new directions. Especially since DH told me that the first place he tried told him he was the third person that morning to come in trying to find out what had happened to the fertility center.
So we'll see what happens. Next Tuesday is his second s/a and we leave for Florida the following week. I doubt that we'll hear anything until after we get home. But at least it will finally be done!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Maybe
DH told me last night that he'd tried to quit smoking again on Saturday while I was working my long day. He seems to think that quitting cold turkey by just staying in bed and locking himself away from the world is the best way to go. Whatever works for him I guess. The part that took me by surprise was the comment "Well, I should have done it a long time ago but if we're going to have a baby I have to quit." Hmmmm....maybe he thinks about it more than he lets on.
Guess We're Even
I just got home from a rather long shift and well, work week for me (my "weekends" are Tuesdays and Wednesdays typically) to find the first status update in my news feed was from someone I went to high school with spouting off about how she could care less about people's Farmville crap. I'll admit, I play. Guilty. I enjoy some mindless entertainment.
I find it interesting that she'd rather bitch about it than just hide the app from her news feed. But I guess that makes us even because I really don't give a shit about the boring crap her kids are doing OR the brainless things she and her moron husband do when they're drunk with said kids in the apartment. Oh yes, and then let's tell the world about it on Facebook - complete with pictures! Parents of the world folks.
Yeah, I'm tired. And bitchy. Oh well.
I find it interesting that she'd rather bitch about it than just hide the app from her news feed. But I guess that makes us even because I really don't give a shit about the boring crap her kids are doing OR the brainless things she and her moron husband do when they're drunk with said kids in the apartment. Oh yes, and then let's tell the world about it on Facebook - complete with pictures! Parents of the world folks.
Yeah, I'm tired. And bitchy. Oh well.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Just checking in...
Not a whole lot going on. DH's second s/a was scheduled for last Tuesday and he was insisting that he was still going to do it even though he missed his first one the week before. I flat out told him I was not paying $150 for this one test if his doctor didn't okay doing a single test instead of two. So he finally calls his urologist's office - half an hour before his s/a appointment- and makes his appeal to the nurse. She flat out told him that the doctor wouldn't even look at the results if it wasn't done the way he'd ordered it. I'd been pretty confident of that all along and had absolutely no delusions that he'd be going in last week. So now it's rescheduled for 2/16 and 2/23. We'll see what happens but I'm not holding my breath any more.
Of course not only did he promise that he really did want to do this but also blurted out that he was going to quit smoking too. I've been hearing that for oh, eight years now. Actions speak louder than words. We had a brief exchange over the weekend that I think finally registered with him. He was telling me about all these things he was going to do while I was working my 12 hour shift the next day but it was the same stuff he'd been telling me he was going to do for the last 3 days. I finally just turned to him and said "Hon, I can't just trust your words any more because you don't follow through. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear at the time and then go on your merry way. Show me I can count on you by doing things and telling me afterward." I could see by the shock on his face that he finally gets it - just telling me he's going to do things doesn't make me happy. He's taken care of a few things around the house since then that I've been asking him to for a long time so we'll see what happens from here.
As for me, I'm just focusing on taking care of things that I can right now. My weight loss is still moving along and as of today, I've lost 25 lbs on Weight Watchers. My 5K training got off track for a few weeks because of some tendinitis in my foot but I climbed back on my treadmill last night after work and huffed and puffed my way through a work out. I still have a month and I'm not nearly as terrified of getting picked up for not keeping pace any more. Plus, I'm seriously looking forward to buying some new warm weather clothes when we go! AF should be here in a day or two but I'm expecting that. Honestly, I haven't been doing anything in the TTC department. I'm aware of my fertile time just because CM is almost impossible not to notice now that I got use to checking it. But that's about it. And I'm okay with that. For now. ;o)
Of course not only did he promise that he really did want to do this but also blurted out that he was going to quit smoking too. I've been hearing that for oh, eight years now. Actions speak louder than words. We had a brief exchange over the weekend that I think finally registered with him. He was telling me about all these things he was going to do while I was working my 12 hour shift the next day but it was the same stuff he'd been telling me he was going to do for the last 3 days. I finally just turned to him and said "Hon, I can't just trust your words any more because you don't follow through. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear at the time and then go on your merry way. Show me I can count on you by doing things and telling me afterward." I could see by the shock on his face that he finally gets it - just telling me he's going to do things doesn't make me happy. He's taken care of a few things around the house since then that I've been asking him to for a long time so we'll see what happens from here.
As for me, I'm just focusing on taking care of things that I can right now. My weight loss is still moving along and as of today, I've lost 25 lbs on Weight Watchers. My 5K training got off track for a few weeks because of some tendinitis in my foot but I climbed back on my treadmill last night after work and huffed and puffed my way through a work out. I still have a month and I'm not nearly as terrified of getting picked up for not keeping pace any more. Plus, I'm seriously looking forward to buying some new warm weather clothes when we go! AF should be here in a day or two but I'm expecting that. Honestly, I haven't been doing anything in the TTC department. I'm aware of my fertile time just because CM is almost impossible not to notice now that I got use to checking it. But that's about it. And I'm okay with that. For now. ;o)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Hurt and angry
It kind of all started on Sunday when it dawned on me that James' first of two repeat s/a was today and his last "emission" before the test had to be no more than 5 calendar days but no less than 2 days before the test. I called him from work to mention it and he didn't say anything. So I said "Unless you already took care of that." Still nothing. Okay. "Did you take care of that in the last few days?" He finally said "Yeah, after they called Friday to remind me about the appointment." Honestly, I was hurt. I mean, when you're trying to get pregnant, wouldn't you opt for BD vs manual operation - ESPECIALLY since he has no clue where I'm at in my cycle (and yes, this is my window). Not to mention the fact that it's been a few weeks. Then he goes on to tell me that he thinks his infection is back and wants his urine tested first. I told him he'd have to call the urologist on Monday to see if they could just take a quick look without actually seeing the doctor.
He knew I was upset. I know he was trying to make me feel better because he promised to get started on the laundry (piles upon piles of it because I've been so busy lately and James keeps promising (but hasn't) to look at the washer because it keeps spilling water all over the basement floor when it goes through the spin cycle) and clean up the house. I got home Sunday night and nothing had been touched. Nothing. I ended up going to bed barely saying a word because I knew it wouldn't be nice.
Last night I was at work again when I realized that he hadn't gone to pick up a collection kit. I called once at 4:30 and left a message. I called back again at 5:30 and he answered. I told him he needed to go pick up the kit and where to go. He asked how late they were open and I said I knew he could get in to pick one up at least until 6pm but I wasn't sure about any later than that. I asked if he'd gotten into the urologist and he told me he couldn't find the number. Ummm, his card is hanging on the refrigerator door. "Oh." On my way home, at 10:30pm, he called my cell to tell me that he had gotten there at 6:30pm and the building was closed. Great. Why he waited 4 hours to call I have no idea. We've collected specimens twice now and I know I could have gotten everything he needed at work except for the form that goes with it which I could have filled out today when I dropped it off. Except I had already left work. And he knew that. He told me "We'll figure something out."
I've been feeling rather overwhelmed by a lot of things lately and to add this on top of it made for a rather tearful drive home. It didn't help that when I walked in the door it was immediately evident that still nothing had been done while I was gone. I changed into my PJs and started hauling laundry baskets downstairs and cleaning upstairs. He sat on the couch the entire time without ever saying a word. This went on until about 2am when I finally just went to bed. By 2:30, he still hadn't come in so I went out to ask him if he was coming. He said he would soon. I asked him if he even wanted to be doing this (s/a, heck even having a baby) and he swore up and down that he did. I woke up again at 4am and could still hear him up. I woke up again at 7am and he still wasn't in bed. I got up and realized that he was sleeping in the guest room. Fine. Whatever.
This morning I woke up around 9:30 and could hear that he was up. Honestly, I was surprised. I got up to let the dog out and as I shuffled into the kitchen he mumbled "I canceled the test" then went back into the guest room. I let the dog out and then followed him. I asked him why and he said "I couldn't sleep." Hmmm....helps to go to BED when you're trying to sleep and you KNOW you have things scheduled in the morning - not to mention class this afternoon with homework due that hasn't even been started. I told him that I wished he'd been honest with me from the beginning because he was acting all along like he didn't want to do this and it really made me question the whole TTC thing. I also told him that the clinic likely wouldn't be able to get him in until March now because his s/as needed to be a week apart and they book up fast. By now he had the covers over his head and wouldn't answer me so I just left.
Really, I'm just incredibly hurt over the whole thing and very angry and this and more. Two and a half years ago when James lost his job I had just graduated and agreed to support us while he went back to school. He worked 50-60 hours a week to support us while I went full time. Neither of us knew that the economy would get so bad and that I'd end up having to work two part time jobs to make this work because jobs are so hard to find here in Michigan right now. He was supposed to be done with his program a month ago but because of all of the set backs we're looking at another two years. This isn't fair. He was supposed to be done and working full time by now while I was home with our baby and working part time. I'm really at my limit and feeling very alone here. I don't know what to do.
He knew I was upset. I know he was trying to make me feel better because he promised to get started on the laundry (piles upon piles of it because I've been so busy lately and James keeps promising (but hasn't) to look at the washer because it keeps spilling water all over the basement floor when it goes through the spin cycle) and clean up the house. I got home Sunday night and nothing had been touched. Nothing. I ended up going to bed barely saying a word because I knew it wouldn't be nice.
Last night I was at work again when I realized that he hadn't gone to pick up a collection kit. I called once at 4:30 and left a message. I called back again at 5:30 and he answered. I told him he needed to go pick up the kit and where to go. He asked how late they were open and I said I knew he could get in to pick one up at least until 6pm but I wasn't sure about any later than that. I asked if he'd gotten into the urologist and he told me he couldn't find the number. Ummm, his card is hanging on the refrigerator door. "Oh." On my way home, at 10:30pm, he called my cell to tell me that he had gotten there at 6:30pm and the building was closed. Great. Why he waited 4 hours to call I have no idea. We've collected specimens twice now and I know I could have gotten everything he needed at work except for the form that goes with it which I could have filled out today when I dropped it off. Except I had already left work. And he knew that. He told me "We'll figure something out."
I've been feeling rather overwhelmed by a lot of things lately and to add this on top of it made for a rather tearful drive home. It didn't help that when I walked in the door it was immediately evident that still nothing had been done while I was gone. I changed into my PJs and started hauling laundry baskets downstairs and cleaning upstairs. He sat on the couch the entire time without ever saying a word. This went on until about 2am when I finally just went to bed. By 2:30, he still hadn't come in so I went out to ask him if he was coming. He said he would soon. I asked him if he even wanted to be doing this (s/a, heck even having a baby) and he swore up and down that he did. I woke up again at 4am and could still hear him up. I woke up again at 7am and he still wasn't in bed. I got up and realized that he was sleeping in the guest room. Fine. Whatever.
This morning I woke up around 9:30 and could hear that he was up. Honestly, I was surprised. I got up to let the dog out and as I shuffled into the kitchen he mumbled "I canceled the test" then went back into the guest room. I let the dog out and then followed him. I asked him why and he said "I couldn't sleep." Hmmm....helps to go to BED when you're trying to sleep and you KNOW you have things scheduled in the morning - not to mention class this afternoon with homework due that hasn't even been started. I told him that I wished he'd been honest with me from the beginning because he was acting all along like he didn't want to do this and it really made me question the whole TTC thing. I also told him that the clinic likely wouldn't be able to get him in until March now because his s/as needed to be a week apart and they book up fast. By now he had the covers over his head and wouldn't answer me so I just left.
Really, I'm just incredibly hurt over the whole thing and very angry and this and more. Two and a half years ago when James lost his job I had just graduated and agreed to support us while he went back to school. He worked 50-60 hours a week to support us while I went full time. Neither of us knew that the economy would get so bad and that I'd end up having to work two part time jobs to make this work because jobs are so hard to find here in Michigan right now. He was supposed to be done with his program a month ago but because of all of the set backs we're looking at another two years. This isn't fair. He was supposed to be done and working full time by now while I was home with our baby and working part time. I'm really at my limit and feeling very alone here. I don't know what to do.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Oops
I just realized I probably should have put a disclaimer before posting a picture of my new nephew. I'm sorry if it upset anyone. :o( I'm just so close to my family that while it saddens me that it happens so easily for them but not us, I am thankful for the growing family and absolutely dote on the boys. I realize it might have been insensitive though....and I'm sorry!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
There's a new man in my life
Well, he's more of a boy right now but I know someday he'll grow into a wonderful man because he comes from a long line of them. Meet Jaden Alan, my brother's second son. Jaden made his grand entrance into the world on 01/01/10 weighing in at 8 lbs 5oz. Everyone is doing well and I can't wait to go visit them in Florida in March. And everything aside with our struggles to get to baby, I really am thrilled for my family. They're wonderful, caring people and fantastic parents already.
So what else has happened in the last two weeks? A lot when I think of it but it's seemed more like day to day things and yet not (weird, I know). Let's try to sum it up:
- My dad, at the age of 56 and only 6 months after a heart attack, ran a full marathon on 01/10 finishing in just 5 hours and 16 minutes. I'm tearing up just typing that because I'm so incredibly proud of him! He just started running 2 or 3 years ago so to have finished a marathon is pretty darn amazing.
- I started back to school this week! I enrolled in an art class and a photography class but ended up dropping the art. It was an online course geared toward learning Photoshop but the instructor didn't even post anything until today - and the semester started on Saturday! Bah. On top of that, this photography class is going to be pretty stinkin' expensive. A new camera, a portable hard drive, photo paper, card reader, jump drive.....you get the idea. I'll go back and take the art if I decide to pursue photography further.
- DH finally made up his mind on which school he wants transfer to and enrolled to finish his last two prereqs to enroll in the LPN to RN program there this fall. It's about time!
- You may or may not have noticed from my ticker at the bottom but at my weigh in yesterday I hit the 20lb mark in my weight loss! I was positively giddy! I've been losing at a decent pace but when I realized that my net loss for December was only 1.6lbs, I really stepped up the exercise and made better food choices last week which obviously paid off huge. I now only have 2.6 lbs to lose before reaching my 10% weight loss goal.
- My dear forever friend Amy moved in back home this past weekend! Amy's dad was our pastor back home for over a decade starting at the beginning of 8th grade for us. We bonded at school, youth group, and on summer mission trips. She'd been living in the UP (upper peninsula) with her now ex-husband and then with her parents after her divorce so we really haven't seen much of each other since I got married. She decided this fall that she wanted to finish her last 19 credits for her BS back down by where we grew up so my parents offered to let her live with them. Since no one else was going to be home, I drove up on Saturday to get her moved in and we had a great time. After we unpacked her Jeep we did a little shopping, had dinner out, and then vegged all day Sunday to a Glee marathon. I'm super excited she's back in the area and finally finishing her education!
- Lastly, our house is once again quiet as this little critter has gone home.
Miss Baily Jo is my parents' 3 month old boxer puppy. She came to stay with us for two weeks while they were in Florida for Jaden's birth and Dad's marathon. My animals weren't to sure about her in the beginning because she has exactly two modes: on and off. But she's a sweet little girl and I'd gotten use to the sound of her galloping around the house.That's about all for now! This coming Tuesday is DH's repeat s/a with his second one the following Tuesday. AF arrived rather promptly at New Year's so after we get the repeat results, we'll really start tracking and trying again. I think. If not next cycle then for sure in March after we get home from Florida and all that. But I promise I'll check in again before that. ;o)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
