This one is gonna hurt

I really haven't meant to be absent for so long! I know I say that each time but I really do mean it. There really isn't news to report on the TTC front except to say that right now we really aren't. It frustrates me but right now it's out of my hands. DH still really hasn't come to terms with the fact that he's a 40 year old adult who needs to be taking care of himself. It's pretty much a daily struggle for me not to just flip out on him over it and sometimes I'm not successful. I guess it'll either happen or it won't.

But even that aside, I've decided that I'm going to do something productive with my time instead of just stewing about it. I'll admit that even though I still am not sure how much I like running, I've been bitten by the race bug. I ran my second 5K with my family a week and a half ago and cut 5 minutes off my time! We've signed up for a 5K Memorial Day weekend and I'm hoping to get under 40 minutes this time and run most if not all of it this time. I know it's going to be an emotional run though because it'll be what I call my dad's redemption run. It's the race he couldn't finish last year because he had a heart attack a mile in. Even though he went on to run a marathon in January, there's something to be said for finishing what you start. And with him as my inspiration, I've asked my sisters to run the Disney Princess half marathon with me in March instead of the 5K. I've got lots of time to train and the determination to do it. So I'm excited. :o)

Now for my blog title....in the middle of all my grandma's illness last month, my cousin who has been living with her for the last year and a half got picked up on a parole violation. Part of the condition of his parole is that he's not supposed to have access to computers but Grandma decided she really missed having one last year and bought a laptop. It stays in her room and only has her Quicken books and email on it. But it was still in the house and shouldn't have been. And his parole officer got tipped off on it so he's headed back to prison. Then a few weeks later his fiancee who also lives with him and Grandma found out she was pregnant. *sigh*

She's a really sweet girl. She's been there taking care of the house and most of what my grandma has needed when she moved to rehab and taking care of her at home now that she's out. We've really become good friends and I've tried to be there for both her and my cousin through all of this. My cousin really has taken full responsibility for the mistakes he made and done what he can to make up for everything. But she has PCOS like I do and the whole circumstance that she's in now (not married, him being gone for who knows how long, recently lost her job, etc) just makes my heart hurt. I gave her the number for my ob/gyn again because I know she'll be in great hands there. Her first prenatal appointment is next Tuesday and I offered to go with her. Last week they asked me to be the baby's godmother.

I'm going to be there for her as best I can because it's the right thing to do and I know she doesn't really have a great support system anywhere else. But it's going to hurt like hell. I've shared some with her about our IF but I don't know if she really understands how bittersweet this is all going to be for me. I guess I just always thought the first prenatal appointment I went to would be for me.....