Friday, August 28, 2009

Just tossing it out there....

Cycle 10, CD 30, 12 DPO

The past two days my bbs have hurt. Today they feel huge. I've had heartburn since like 4DPO which is not normal for me. Something just feels different this time. I know I've thought that before.

We only got one BD in this time because of vacation so I don't want to get my hopes up. And ICs have both been clearly BFNs the last two mornings. I couldn't help myself. But still....something feels different....

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Waiting and waiting again

Cycle 10, CD 28, 10 DPO

So here we are again, waiting to see if we start another cycle or if by some miracle this was it. I'm not entirely sure if I Oed on CD 18 or 19 because I didn't get a peak reading until CD 18 but my temp spiked on CD 19. FF tells me that I O the day after my first peak reading. But we were on vacation at the time and my sleep schedule was off. To play it safe, I didn't get my 7 DPO labs done until CD 26. I really haven't been temping much lately because well...it almost feels like it's become pointless. I was thinking earlier today about how this has almost become more of a life style type thing because we've been at this so long. It's almost surreal to think that someday I won't have to do all of this monitoring because we'll actually get pregnant. But I learned awhile ago to not assume that this is the cycle and just start planning for the next. It's kind of dejecting to think that way but I guess it protects me a little from not having my heart so completely broken every month.

Next month things will move into another gear either way. DH has his rescheduled s/a for 9/14 and I'm really hoping that I can cajole them into getting the results ready in time for my appointment on 9/18. This one is with my OB/GYN who's over the NP I usually see (and love!). I've not met this doc before because she's just replaced my previous doc there. This is when we'll start things in motion for an HSG (ugh, hopefully I can get it done before the first year students start at the hospital) and whatever else she has in mind for me - likely Clomid. I'll be interested in hearing her thoughts on my progesterone levels last cycle and this (which I don't have results yet) since that's basically all I have to show since last time. So basically this cycle and next are my last chances before having to really plunge into testing.

The other thought I've been circling around is baby bellies. DH and I had talked on vacation about how neither of us really likes to have our picture taken. I don't mind head shots but it really makes me sad to see full body pics of myself because I don't "see" myself as being as large as I am. I've been a big girl all my life and while I'm not as big as I've been in the past, I still want to punch the little Wii man every time I use the Wii Fit and he tells me I'm obese when I weigh in. *sigh* Anyway, I had a really sad thought earlier about how I wonder if anyone will really be able to tell I'm pregnant if I'm this obese. Will I get that sweet baby bump or will I just look fatter than I am? And I can't stand the thought of having to buy even larger scrubs! So of course that started another train of thought about wondering if i could just sew an elastic top into some of my scrub pants when the time comes. *sigh* But then again...I feel like I'm just getting ahead of myself right now....