Monday, November 2, 2009

Unacceptable

Have you ever seen the movie "The Terminal"? It's a relatively unknown movie (as far as I know) starring Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Anyway, I caught it on HBO several years ago and I loved it immediately. Tom Hanks character (Victor) arrives to visit New York City from a tiny European country speaking very little English. While trying to go through customs, it's discovered that Victor's government was over thrown by rebels while he was in the air so his passport and visa are no longer valid. But because of the war, no travel is allowed in to or out of his homeland. He's stuck in limbo and told he's simply "unacceptable." Not that he understands what that means or why.

So what's a man who's not allowed to enter the country he's in nor allowed to return to his own country to do? Live at the airport for 9 months finding ways to survive with a certain spunk about him. The story is just the right combination of touching and humor for me. I pulled out my copy of the movie over the weekend and watched it on my lap top during a rare slow night at work. And I ended up relating to it on a whole new level in light of events from this past year.

We still have not heard anything from the dean at school. DH is very slowly making baby steps to figure out what he's going to do next while backsliding into self pity on a regular basis which I find myself having less and less patience for. And I just keep chugging along. It seems like all I do is work and sleep. Honestly we didn't even try last month. I know when I Oed and I know AF will be here in 2 or 3 days. I didn't tell DH though. I don't feel like we're in a place to be trying right now. Especially not since he's had his script for his repeat s/as for 3 weeks now and still hasn't bothered to call to schedule them. Despite the fact that around here it takes a month to get in, he's supposed to follow up with the urologist in 3 weeks, and it'll take at least 3 weeks turn around for the doc to get both sets of results back (two tests, one week apart, one week a piece to get results to the office). Yes, he knows that.

I mentioned before that the first WW meeting I went to was about making time for yourself and I'm still doing my best to do that but in less obvious ways. I finally called my doctor's office and asked about a referral to physical therapy for my migraines/headaches, neck, and shoulder pain. I went 3 times last week and have 2 more weeks of the same. I feel a huge difference already and honestly I didn't realize how much stress and tension I carry in my neck and shoulders. I'm also taking the time to make healthy foods at home to pack for work. I weigh in tomorrow but to date I've lost 3.8 lbs. This time I'm trying to focus more on just following the program and letting the weight loss be a bonus by-product. But the meetings really are a good motivation for me and I wish I had tried them sooner. When I first signed up I figured I'd cancel after the free month was over but now I'd like to keep going.

So with TTC, DH's school, and well...life in general it seems I guess I'm just plodding along waiting in my own sort of limbo, until I'm "acceptable" again too. In the mean time, if you need me, I'll be living over in my very own gate 67.