The results are in...

DH's s/a results came in the mail last weekend. I was at work and got a text message from him saying we needed to talk. I kind of started to panic and called him immediately. He answered the phone and I asked what was going on. He started to stutter a little bit and I cut him off and told him to spit it out already because my heard was pounding out of my chest. So he blurts out "Baby, I'm infertile. I can't get you pregnant." I broke out into a sweat and yelled "Just tell me, are there sperm? Are there ANY sperm?!?" It's probably a good thing I was back in the dark room with the processor running because that would have been a really awkward thing to have to explain to my coworkers.

I got him to run down his numbers with me and while the results were not stellar, I would say they were sub-par at worst, he certainly is not infertile. And I thought I was a drama queen! The two main concerns are that he had 14 WBCs when the normal parameters were 0-5 and that his morphology showed that 40% were tapered. His count was a little low but from what I've read that could just be from the WBCs. So my doc's office called back yesterday to talk about it with me and basically didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know - that he has some sperm that are abnormally shaped and she wants him to see a urologist. Oh yes, and that lovely golden ticket I got last week? Just hold on to that for now dear. Great.

Honestly, I wasn't about to waste 2 rounds of Clomid without getting DH's boys squared away first. There's just no point in making me ovulate better if there's nobody there to meet it! And who's to say that this won't take care of things without needing to move on to Clomid? That wasn't any great surprise but I'm glad to know that we were on the same page.

All that aside....for any of you TTC out there, do you ever have thoughts you know you shouldn't have towards other pregnant women? I have a confession. There is someone I met very briefly from my time on the TTC boards. Her stay was very brief which both relieved and aggravated me at the same time but even in that short period there was something about her that really rubbed me the wrong way. Now I know that it doesn't take any special education to be a parent or to be a good parent for that matter. But she didn't strike me as particularly bright (actually rather ignorant) and while I don't like to judge it didn't sound like they were really in any financial position to be having children. I know, I know...I've heard people say that you can't ever really afford children. Anyway, I'm ashamed to say that I have occasionally over the months secretly followed her on her EDD monthly board. I hadn't checked in on her in awhile but I did today because she's toward the end of her last trimester. I found a post where she referred to her unborn daughter by name and about spit my drink across the room. Honestly? Just sign the girl up for stripper classes now. Oh yes, and prepare for the hatred that will come because honey, as original as it may be, she will hate you for it. Especially if she ever decides to over come the short comings of her family roots and apply for med or law school some day.

Okay, I know I'm getting snarky now. I can't help it. This is my outlet and I'm airing it out. But here's my point: why her? Why does she get to spend the upcoming holidays holding her little girl in her arms after only trying for a few months (mind you without really the resources to care for the child once it's born) and here we are. Almost a whole fucking year later with a big lot of nothing to show for it. It's not fair. I don't know why this woman and her pregnancy bother me more than any other but they just do. I can't explain it.