Cycle 9, CD 4
Today is the last day of another decade for me. I can't believe I'll be 30 tomorrow. It seems like I just got use to the idea that I wasn't really in my mid 20s any more. I don't want to be some kind of typical hysterical basket case about this but holy crap this is kicking my butt! AF reared her ugly head again a few days ago and unfortunately it's hitting me as hard as I thought it would. This time really is the worst; I've been so emotional/tearful the last few days I don't know quite what to do with myself.
I know it's irrational but when I was diagnosed with PCOS back in 1998 I kind of just got it in my mind that if I wasn't pregnant by the time I was 30 that it just wasn't going to happen for me. Now I know that women with PCOS have more options to conceive now than ever. And I know that women a decade older than me can fairly successfully conceive too. It's just that I'm afraid that the rough road I'd envisioned is coming true. Some part of me figured when I started ovulating regularly last fall that it would be a piece of cake from there. And yes, I know people without fertility problems can take as long and longer than we are. But now it's time to start moving things into a higher gear. I have an appointment with my OB/GYN on Tuesday to talk about Clomid, possibly a short LP, and an s/a for DH. And as I type I'm also eyeing Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitors on eBay. I just hope that we get lucky here soon because I don't know if I can stand feeling like such a failure every month for much longer....
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