Waiting

Cycle 2: 9 DPO

I didn't think I was terribly emotionally attached to this cycle. I came into it feeling really relaxed, confident that whatever was supposed to happen would happen. I didn't get terribly worked up at O, which came 4 days earlier than anticipated. Even afterward I felt pretty darn mellow, not at all on pins and needles like last cycle. Until 7 DPO that is. That's when my temp dropped almost half a degree and more than a bit below coverline. I thought for sure it would come back up the next morning, and it did, by only a tenth of a degree. I started spotting a good bit last night and I really thought I'd have AF by today.

I was absolutely heartbroken last night, positive that was it for this cycle. I think I was extra emotional because of a tough shift at work. James and I have both been feeling Grandpa's absence lately with Thanksgiving and his birthday not far behind us and Christmas fast approaching. So when an 83 year old woman and her daughter came in last night after falling (daughter tried to catch mom when mom fell) and both were extra emotional after the loss of their husband/father the week before, well...it kind of hit home. The poor mother got teary, hugged me tight after I finished her exam and told me what a hard week it had been. I admit I got a bit teared up a bit myself.

Well, my temp came back up today and the spotting was gone this morning. It came back this afternoon but isn't as heavy as last night. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it stays up tomorrow as well and this spotting goes away. I restrained myself from testing this morning, reasoning that if the last few days were implantation that it wouldn't show up in a urine HCG yet. I half want to test tomorrow but think it would still be too early. I'm going to try to stick to testing on Thursday if my temps are still up.

Ironically, according to FF, if we conceived this cycle our due date will be our anniversary. I just keep praying....